


Can you hear a silent Scream?

by Vent_Dimension (Angst_Dimension)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Character doesn't know their trans yet, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Demisexual Deceit | Janus Sanders, Grinding, He doesnt show up but he's meantioned, Holding someone down, However they will still be misgendered, Janus gets hurt, Janus is suicidal, Mentions of Shattered Glass, Misgendering, Molestation, Other, Rape/Non-con Elements, Remus is the best boyfriend, Sad times, Suicidal Thoughts, The orange side is named becca and is a girl bc this is based off my experiences..., Therapy, Threats, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Toxic People, Transgender Deceit | Janus Sanders, Underage - Freeform, Underage Rape/Non-con, bc i kin him i project, both characters are ftm but will have their chosen names, characters are trans, child janus is hurt, children watching porn., fake smoking, female terms for a trans mans body, janus is trans, like honestly, misgendering due to not knowing the character is trans, no happy ending, not being able to talk about it, not good ending, not using therapy to talk about whats actually wrong, porn meantion, talking about feeling broken, use of slurs, victim janus, who tells someone their sexuality isnt valid, why do therapists suck?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 13:40:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angst_Dimension/pseuds/Vent_Dimension
Summary: WARNING: This fic contains non-con/ rape elements. Please scroll past if this will trigger you.13-year-old Janus goes over to his friend Blazes' apartment for a slumber party, it's fine at first. But after Blaze's mother leaves to go to a party on the Vegas strip... Janus gets more than an idea of what his friend has been wanting to do all night...
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Kudos: 9





	Can you hear a silent Scream?

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this at 3 am because I feel like I'm dying inside and I can't talk to my boyfriend because his family is abusive. So yeah. Sorry if it's not good. Be safe when reading.

Janus was so excited! She was going over to her friend Rebecca’s house! She was just glad to get out of the house since her parents were fighting all the time over money. They were worse since they moved to Vegas for the second time. She sighed and finished packing her bag. She knew that the apartment of Becca was only a building away from hers’s but she wanted to be prepared. She hummed to herself and then zipped up her bag. She walked out of her room and went into her mom’s room, her stepdad must be pacing outside angrily or at the casino sports betting… “Hey mom. I’m heading over to Becca’s. I’ve got my phone. I’ll text you when I get there.” Her mom nodded and wished her well. Janus practically skipped over to her place.    
  
She knocked on the door and waited a moment for Becca or her mother to open it. After a minute, Becca opened the door with a smile. “Oh, come in!” She said with a smile. Janus smiled and walked inside, looking around the apartment. It was the same as hers but designed differently and had the faint odor of cigarettes. Becca stood next to her and punched her arm gently. “Come on, let's put the stuff in my room.” Janus nodded and did so, setting her stuff on the floor. She looked around her room, she liked it. It was a little simple. But Becca had told her that they kept moving her room around. “Where’s your mom?” Janus asked, sitting on the bed. “Oh, she’s getting stuff for dinner, she should be home soon.” Janus nodded. “What should we do till then?” She asked. Becca shrugged. “Watch youtube?” Becca suggested. Janus nodded, smiling.    
  
They watched silly videos like any 13-year-old girls would. Some Doll restorations, silly animal videos. Things like that. After about an hour Becca’s mom came home and fixed them dinner, some soup thing Janus forgot the name of. They smiled and had a great time at dinner, laughing and joking around. Around ten a clock Becca’s mom came out of her room dressed up in a very short and fancy dress. “Becca, Janus. I’m going out to a party on the Strip. You girls behave okay? Don’t set the house on fire.” She said with a laugh. Janus and Becca both nodded.    
  
Once her mom had left and they were in the clear Becca grabbed a thing of Q-tips and a lighter, going out on the balcony. “You wanna fake smoke?” She asked. Shrugging her shoulders and sitting on the balcony, lighting the end of the Q-tip and using it like a cigarette. Janus *hated* smoking, it brought back bad memories, so she just sat down in front of Becca and shook her head. “No thank you.” She said politely. “Aw, why not?” Janus shrugged. “I just don’t like it.” Becca sighed. “It’s not like it’s a real cigarette. Right? Come on. It’s fun!” Janus felt a small twist in her stomach but she didn’t want to disappoint her friend so she grabbed a Q-tip and shakily lit it, pretending to smoke with her friend for a little while. She felt shaky. And she didn’t know why. After a little bit, she and Becca went back inside. They laid down on Becca’s bed, the other girl scrolling on her phone.    
  
After a while, Becca looked at her with a mischievous grin. “Hey, wanna watch something cool?” She asked. Janus nodded with a smile. “Sure, sounds like fun.” She said. Becca scooted close to her and typed a video into the search bar-. Janus went bright red and felt slightly confused and almost sick. Two nude women were playing with their bodys on the screen while they kissed. “What is that?” Janus asked shakily. “Porn,” Becca responded, seeming incredibly interesting in the two women. Janus tried to watch the video, but she couldn’t understand why it made her so uncomfortable. She just didn’t like it. “Is this like... Sex?” She asked nervously. Becca nodded. “Cool right?” Janus didn’t think it was cool at all. It made her feel really weirded out, but for the sake of her friendship, she nodded. “Yeah.. cool.” Becca giggled. “I’ve always wanted to try it on another girl.” She said as the girls in the video started to grind on each other, moaning and throwing their heads back while they groped each other. “Oh?” Janus said, growing more sick with every second. She wanted to tell her to stop playing it. But it was just a video, she didn’t know why she was getting so worked up over it. Becca giggled and put her hand on Janus’ thigh, rubbing it. “Wanna try?” Janus stiffened and looked at her, sputtering. “W-what?!” She asked. Becca chuckled and moved her hand up, going under the edge of Janus’ dress. Janus’ heart was racing. “N-no. No. I don’t want to.” She said firmly. Becca pouted and moved her hand further up. Janus was confused. She had said no, so why was she still rubbing her thigh? “B-Becca I said no.” She said again. Becca pouted. “So you don’t want to help me..” She said, looking incredibly sad. Janus felt really bad. “I just..” She didn’t want to explain herself.. “It’s okay. I guess I’ll never know. I thought you were a good friend.” She said, the video still playing in the background. No.. Janus didn’t mean to make her friend sad.. Now she felt like shit. “O-okay.” She said under her breath. Regretting it. She didn’t want to. But she wanted to be a good friend. There were no other kids her age in the apartments.. She didn’t want to lose Becca because she was nervous for no reason. So she took a deep breath. “W-what do I do?” She asked nervously, playing with the edge of her shirt. She felt like she was going to vomit.    
  
Becca didn’t say much, she was thinking. She hummed in the back of her throat. “We don’t have any dildos so that’s a bummer.” Janus looked at her confused. “Fake dicks.” She said, sounding annoyed. Janus shrunk in on herself. “Ah… okay.” Great, now she was annoying her. She sighed and smiled at her. “Hey, why don’t you lay down. Anything you don’t want?” She asked politely. ‘Any of it..” she thought to herself. “Uh.. can you not touch down there?” She asked nervously. Becca nodded. “Here.” She said, grabbing a pillow. She then pushed the pillow in between Janus’ legs and sat on her thighs, straddling her. Becca then smirked and pushed Janus so she was laying down. Janus felt a shudder of bad go through her, but she couldn’t mess this up. She needed to make Becca happy. Becca pressed her lips against Janus’ and she went stiff, and her stomach twisted. She didn’t like this… Becca pulled back. “Guess you don’t know how to kiss huh..” She said with a huff. Janus nodded. Becca looked annoyed but smiled, it was chilling. “Guess I’ll just move on.” She said. Placing her hands on Janus’ small chest and rubbing it, pulling on the small sacs of fat and tissue. Janus felt violently ill. She almost wanted to tell Becca to stop just so she could go to the bathroom to puke. “H-hey Becca.. Can we stop.. I don’t feel good…” She said. Becca pulled her hands off of her chest and Janus felt relieved. But then Becca slid her hands up her shirt and started pulling it off. “H-hey! I said-” She was cut off by Becca sliding her shirt off and glaring at her. “You want me to gag you, little girl?” She asked. Janus felt a chill go down her spine and she shook her head. “N-no..” Becca nodded. “Then shut up. You want this. You said yes, so you can’t back out of it now.” Janus felt her throat burn and tears come to her eyes. Becca went back to her chest, playing with it. Janus just laid there, trying not to vomit, cry, or both. After a while Becca started moving her hips, the pillow moving with her. “H-hey! I.” Becca glared at her and she shut up. It felt wrong.. And gross. After a while of that, time seemed to slow down, and every rub and grind made her feel like she was going insane. Then she moved the pillow from in between her legs and moved her hand down, rubbing her. “Becca I said no! Please don’t touch there.” Her cries were met with silence. She squirmed to try to get from underneath her but she just rubbed harder and held her down more. Janus felt violated… After a while, she finally, finally got from underneath her, and she fell to the floor. Becca pinned her down from behind and started grinding against her. “Oh, I really like it like this. Don’t you little girl? Do you like me on top of you?” Janus held back her sobs, she just wanted it to end. Becca played with her body until four am when her mother came home. Becca pulled her into bed and went to sleep. Janus curled into a ball and sobbed silently so she wouldn’t wake the other girl up. She hated every moment of that. That was sex? The thing people online said was so good, so amazing. She hated it. She never wanted to have sex in her life. Never again… She finally passed out from exhaustion.    
  
“Remember Janus, you can’t tell anyone about our playtime, we’ll get in trouble. Big trouble.” She said to her as she was packing her stuff, getting ready to leave. They had ‘played’ more that morning after Becca woke up and dragged her friend with her into the living room and they played while watching some show about a redhead spy. She hated that show now.. The theme song made her feel bad.. Gross even. But like Becca said. She had said yes, so it didn’t matter. She couldn’t back out of it, even though it made her feel like she needed to puke her guts out.    
  
When she got home her mom was still in her room. She had been really sick recently. She went to her room and put on some music, crying softly in her closet. Her safe space. She hadn’t felt this bad in a long time. But she felt really really sad. She curled up in the corner with her stuffed animal and watched Videos of monster high dolls, smiling while she did so. She felt.. Broken. Like someone had taken a hammer to a mirror and smashed it. She felt angry and gross, and really sad. She didn’t know what to do.    
  
The feeling of anger wouldn’t go away, it just kept building and building. So she lashed out, destroyed her room. She got called a mistake by her stepfather, and her mother was too sick to stop him from yelling and screaming at her.    
  
After she broke a few mirrors she decided to look up her feelings. She came across the term 'Rape'. But she sighed.. That wasn’t it. She had said yes, and she hadn’t been penetrated. So it didn’t count. She just had bad sex.. That was all.    
  
Growing up into her teenage years, she couldn’t understand why she still found sex repulsive. It was just one-time several years ago. It didn’t matter. She had forgotten about it actually. Something about repressing bad memories. She sighed.. Why did the world seem like it was gray now.. And why did she still tense every time someone called her a ‘little girl'   
  
  
-   
  
Janus sat in his therapist’s office, talking about his Anxiety for a good half hour, he never talked about the things that he needed to. He knew that his therapist was telling his mother what was wrong with him because he was still 17. She didn’t need to know about the fresh scars on his wrists, or the fact that he wanted to bleed out slowly in the shower. He sighed and started talking about his drawings and such, his therapist had set a limit with how much he could talk about shows. He still didn’t find anyone sexually attractive. But! He did have a boyfriend! His name was Remus and he was amazing. Everyone thought he didn’t care about anyone, but he was a puffball underneath all that scene core makeup and stuff. He loved him.    
  
One day he told his therapist about him, and how much he loved his boyfriend. He was trans like he was so they could understand each other. He loved him more than he loved himself… Which didn’t take much. But anyways. The words she told him broke him in half again. “You can’t love someone unless you’ve had sex with them.” He shattered in two again.. He didn’t want to go through that again… That was just one of the experiences that he had. He never wanted to have sex again. But he *knew* he loved Remus! He was going to marry him one day. In a fit of rage, he stormed off and canceled his therapy sessions. He still felt like he wanted to kill himself. But his therapist couldn’t just say that. He had learned that he was Demi-sexual a little bit before he got with Remus, and Remus fully supported him. Saying they never had to do anything especially since they were still young. He loved Remus with all of his heart. But in the back of his mind, he doubts. What if he *does* need to.    
  
But then he remembers… He sure as hell didn’t Love Becca when she had sex with him...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you stuck around to the end I just want to let you know that your trauma is valid. And it's okay that you're not able to heal right away. Things take time. Everything takes time. Remember that you are loved and self-care is important. 
> 
> PLEASE let me know if I forgot any tags..


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